This past week has been interesting. Filled with ups and downs, but for the most part...things have been peaceful. We've been fully staffed at work and I had Monday and Tuesday off from work. Granted I had to work at the pizza place on Monday, but I digress. Gives me more money to save up for con next month. I've been playing WoW and writing more on my smut fics and things have actually been rather generic. Haven't really had anything big to write about or gripe about or think about.

I'm sure this week can't last. Something wrong is bound to happen. And no, I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. There are days when everything seems to go well and you're calm and peaceful and actually happy. ....But it never lasts.

When did a year suddenly turn into six months?

With every passing day, my decision about college just gets closer and closer. There's so much to think about, so many variables to consider, that if I try to make sense of them all it just gives me a headache. I've been waiting for this day ever since I realized what an uphill battle it was to get back into college after leaving. Where did the years go? How did it get so close to my decision time? For those of you who don't know, I've been considering four options, which all depend on which schools accept me, how much in savings I have at the time, and whether I'm willing to risk a move across the country to another state. Let me explain.

My first option is this: stay here in town where I currently live, finish my last year at the 2-year college, and then get a guaranteed transfer to any college in the Wisconsin state. This is good for many reasons. The costs are less because it's a 2-year college, I already have an apartment, I already have a good-paying job, and I'm nice and settled here in town. The downfall is that I would have to balance work and paying rent (again) and it'd take me another year before I go anywhere. But I've been through this song and dance before. This town is too small. If I don't have a car by then, how will I get to school? Carpool? Walk? And how much will I have to work to be able to afford my apartment? There are many variables with this option.

My second option: apply directly to UW-Madison. Why there? Well cause it's a 4-year, I have friends down there, I would be able to live on campus if I so chose, and while it is a move, I'd still have the option of either finding my own place or living on campus. However, there's the problem of a job. I will need a job to get through college, but it has to be part-time if I'm ever going to be able to do homework and tests and such. I learned that the first time around. And Madison is an expensive place to live. However, it has a public transportation system and housing options. The college itself is expensive but that's because it's a flagship school. Again, variables.

Third option: apply and attend MATC (Madison Area Tech College). They offer a degree in Social Work but it's just an Associate's degree and for any kind of good job, I would need a Bachelor's or Master's in my field. They also offer no housing, but it's at tech college prices. And again, public transportation so I wouldn't have to worry about needing a car. On the other hand, I'd have to find a place to live and again, I'd have to find a job to get me through. Also again, I do have friends down there and I've heard nothing but good things about Madison. I guess my biggest hang-up with this is that it's just a 2-year degree for Social Work and I need a 4-year at least.

Fourth option: apply at George Mason University in Virginia. Now, before you ask where the fuck did this come from, bear in mind...the girl I love most in the world lives in Virginia and is actually an alumnus from this university. I want to make a go at a relationship with her and I need to be in Virginia for that. Not only that, but GMU not only has a housing option, but a public transportation system, and specialized areas of the school that offer smaller classes and more personal attention. It's also a 4-year institution, which means that I can get my Bachelor's and possibly go on to complete a Master's. However, several thoughts remain: car, job, and housing. Most of all though...the cost. As an out-of-state student, I would be paying about 22k a year to attend there. Which is a little more than one year at UW-Madison. However, if I take up residency in Virginia, which only takes a year, then the costs are cut down to 8k a year.

There's also my wonderful J-chan to consider. If anything, I would be living on campus to give the two of us a chance to date and start a relationship as normal people. I certainly wouldn't be jumping right into anything. XD She's too precious to me to do anything but take my time with such a thing. Now, this is a major factor, but bear in mind another good friend of mine, Kaya, currently lives in Madison. I don't want my decision on which college to attend rest too heavily on who will be there when I go, because that's just silly. Still, it IS nice to have a support group, or some sort of security net to be there when you do remove yourself to such a different place.

One major thing factors into this though. Actually, two major things. 1) Which colleges will accept me and 2) How much financial aide I'll be receiving. Tax return season is coming up fast and while I don't know how much money I've made, I do know it's far more than what I'm used to. There's also all the application deadlines and I need to see if I have 30 credits at my old college to even qualify for transfer at GMU or 24 semester hours of work for UW-Madison. I might apply as an incoming freshman if I don't qualify for transfer status...which is yet another thing to think about, dang it.

I know I'm probably worrying too much, but this is a really big decision, one that will impact me the rest of my life. I allowed others (ahemmomahem) to make the decision for me when I was 18. This time, it's going to be my choice and I want to be sure I make the right one. And even if I don't make the right one, I want to at least be able to make the situation work for me. I really don't want this to be another Missouri...nor do I want this to be another freshman year at college, trying to work 40 hours and balance a full courseload. I need to find a happy medium. I guess it's time to start weighing the pros and cons of these things.

If you made it to the end of this rant, have a cookie. *Hands one over.*

To sum up:

1. Work's had its good and bad days.

2. I have played a lot oof WoW.

3. I have worked on my smut fic.

4. I finally had a day off and got to Wal-Mart.

6. I BURNED MY FINGER ON FRIGGING NUCLEAR INNARDS OF HOT POCKETS!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOOWWWW!!!

7. Researched colleges and debated pros and cons of in-state vs. out-of-state.

And that's to sum it up. I'm going to go find something frozen to put on my finger in the hopes it'll stop throbbing. Later.

Well, I've finally done it.

I've finally posted some yaoi smut on the internets.

If you want to take a look at said yaoi smut, then I have two sites for you. One is my y-gallery account and one is my story at fanfiction.net. And just so everyone knows, this story will not be edited by anyone else and I will tend to write in spurts. But I promise I will do my best to give you a good read.

Y-Gallery Account: http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/user/starness/

Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5335424/1/The_Establishment

Mind you, while this is going to be multi-chapter, they won't really be...chapters. It'll most likely be one-shots all gathered together in the same universe with some plot and such thrown in. But I like the characters, I like the idea, and I'm gonna write about it damn it. Also, this is a World of Warcraft fiction set in an alternate universe. I shall be fucking with canon. I shall be manipulating elements of the game for my own enjoyment. And I shall love it :D Let's hope you lke it too!

Work this weekend. I think I may go to a funeral for one of our residents tomorrow...(more on that later). I really hope that I make it through the weekend. At least now I have smut to get me through!

This is the sickest and most disgusting thing I've ever come across. It's a real and true horror that one survivor has spent hours, days, months researching. So far, out of nearly 400 days she has only found 8 other survivors of this torture. And that's what it is: torture in its truest and most basic form. And it's happening to CHILDREN. Innocents that we are supposed to be protecting. Some as young as 5 years old.

For more information, visit waywardradish's site:

http://stopchildtorture.org/

Also, for videos of what this so-called "therapy" really is like and the "treatments" that go with it, here are her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/waywardradish

View these only if you really want to make a difference. Do this research only if you really want to educate yourself about what people and institutions are legally getting away with. Murderers of innocent children have walked free, their sentences reduced, because of one reason or another. Murderers are now living wonderful lives in our country because they have the money to get out of a prison sentence. Some are in jail but those are a precious few and they are all working tirelessly to silence advocates for child protection. I would place all the blame on these so-called "therapists" who often hold degrees or training in other fields but there are other people to blame here.

These so-called "parents".

This is one of the reasons I have vowed never to have children of my own. Because I don't know if I would ever be able to really give them the emotional love and support they need. I don't want to expose innocent souls to such a world as that we live in now, where child torturers and killers walk freely out in the open and often get paid millions of dollars for their "treatments". There are funded and often acclaimed institutions out there that sanction the sort of heinous crime you only read about in horror novels. Don't believe me? Say I'm just fear mongering or spouting off nonsense? Go take a look at this blog from the beginning. Educate yourself and maybe you'll learn something.

They say the Great God and Mother Goddess forgive...well, there's a reason why they're divine beings and I'm not. I will never forgive anyone who hurts a child in such a way.

Never.

Okay, so I went to my mom's this weekend. Things started all right at first but then quickly went downhill. For those who have been keeping up with my journal, you all know that I've had complained about my mother before. Well, here's a lowdown of what happened this past weekend and how I feel about it.

( Click here to view the whole sarden story. )

What God did I offend so badly that they gave me the weekend from hell? I seriously think I'm not going to see my mom until it's time for me to go to Youmacon and if she can't get me a ride well then I'll rent a fucking car or something. But Godsdamnit all to hell...all I ever want is a nice weekend doing things with my family. Not sitting around on my ass with nothing to do except watch TV and twiddle my thumbs. I want a fucking car. I really do. It's times like this that I wish I had never sold that piece of shit clunker and instead kept it for when I returned home.

Damn what a weekend...but at least I am home now. I am home with my beloved, my best friend, and my new friend and the entire world of the internet. Right now, I'm still annoyed but am grateful for what I've got.

*EDIT* I STILL DIDN'T GET TO WAL-MART DAMNIT!

I haven't had time to update the journal much this week. On my days off from nursing home, I was working at the pizza place and on my days off from pizza place...well, you get where this is going. So the end result is that I haven't had a solid day off from either job in about a week. Thankfully though, this weekend is all mine and I'm going to go visit my mom and see relatives from Iowa. That's cool but I'm really hoping to see my grandparents, whom I haven't seen in some time. I guess being in the nursing home, it makes me realize: this is where they could end up someday and then someday they'll be gone. One of my coworkers recently lost her grandmother and it just...got me thinking is all.

Tired as all fuck and feeling a little burnt on WoW but that's because I've been trying to grind up enchanting (ARGH it's worse than JCing). The way my fellow WoWHead plays, tis clear that it's pretty much all she does. She's also used to Final Fantasy MMO's but on the other hand, she DEFINITELY knows what she's doing on WoW. I just wish it didn't involve so much grinding XD The two of us will be going to Zangar as soon as our profs are leveled up. She's good in herbin and I'm good in skinning, it's our alchem and chanting that need the work. Which means for me?

More runs through SFK and SM.

My typing sucks today. I hope work goes decently. I'm on second floor tonight and we'd better be full (or at least have three people) or I'm gonna be piiiiiiisssed. I'm probably gonna crash the minute I get home so, see ya Sunday afternoon!

Uuuugggghhhh....how do I get involved in all this DRAMA?

It started out so simple. Two WoWHeads getting together, kicking ass in the game, making money, and me learning some new tricks to the game. But then, all of a sudden, SHE came in.

The Blonde.

Now, the Blonde has never played WoW before. She's played nothing except Final Fantasy games, including the MMO. She's never played World of Warcraft. She's NEVER heard of the characters, the classes, the world, anything. She just butted in because she was starting to feel "neglected" and "left out". So guess what she does? She downloads the trial version and totally fucks it up. First off, she doesn't download directly from the World of Warcraft site, she downloads from a third party site. Filesomethingorother. And it just fucks everything up. So, the nice person that I am, I get myself involved thinking that it would be simple to help her out, right?

WRONG!!!!!!!

She's just so fucking STUPID. She didn't even want to do research, she just wanted to jump into the game! And she STILL thinks it's like Final Fantasy 12! Oh my fucking Goddess this girl is stupid. Not to mention, my fellow WoWHead is overwhelming the girl with information. You gotta start simple when you're first starting out. RAWR! I just wanted to play the game! I didn't want to spend my precious time after work (which was a mix tonight) educating a moron about WoW. Not only that, but she tends to be skittish and spastic around video games and things that scare her in them. Which is NOT going to be good when we're in a dungeon and require our party members to PAY ATTENTION AND NOT FLAG EVERYTHING!

As for work....

Work was a mix tonight. I got out late by 10 minutes because we were fucking short again. There were call-ins all over the place, no one wanted to do the work, and I was placed upstairs again. Originally, this was fucking BAD because I would have had 20 residents to put to bed. Alone. 20 FUCKING RESIDENTS! Thank the GODS one of the call-ins actually came in. Thanks to that, I only had 10 residents to put to bed and take care of and thankfully they weren't that hard. Also, I looked at the schedule for tomorrow? We're fucking short then too and that's NOT including the call-ins. Sometimes I think I was crazy for wanting to work on 1st floor...

But then I remember the nights where 2nd floor has only 2 people on their list. Then I thank my lucky stars I am on 1st floor.

So I dunno. It depends on any given night how I feel about work. All I know is that I need the money and this is getting me some extra pay. Monday and Tuesday will be slower days so I can actually get stuff done that I want to get done. And hopefully after that things will go back to normal and we will have full lists. And I will not have to deal with some of the shitstorm that's been going on.

All I can say is: I can't wait until I'm a social worker. Then I'll only have to deal with this shitstorm on paper.

*Ree runs screaming mindlessly into the night.*

NEVER. AGAIN. I am NEVER going into work on my days off again. EVER. Anything that could have gone wrong DID go wrong, people never stopped ringing their lights, I ran myself ragged with no breaks except for my lunch break, I stayed late at work (hell EVERYONE stayed late at work) and now I'm sitting in my fucking ass hot apartment with no food and I gotta work at the pizza place tomorrow. I am so pissed off right now. Sometimes I don't know why I bother with my job.

I also just got my paycheck. While I'll have enough to pay for everything this time around, I am damn grateful that I have my gyno appointment. I can't afford to miss anymore work with October coming up faster everyday. I am so looking forward to this trip it isn't even funny. It really isn't. Especially when there are days like this. We are short one person and everything goes to hell in a hand basket. It's insane. And it was like all the residents KNEW we were short and were in a bad mood or something and kept ringing their lights non-stop!

The only highlight of my evening was when I punched out on that time clock. Seriously. I slept like shit last night and so I didn't get anything done that I wanted to do so now I'll have to do it tomorrow before Mom gets here.

That is another good thing. Mom is coming to take me shopping tomorrow and boy do I need it. I need new sheets (I tore my other ones to shreds tossing and turning), new shoes for work, new work pants, new personals, and food. Lots of food. In fact, if I wasn't so tired right now, I'd walk to Kwik Trip and get me something to eat cause I am starving and craving things that are bad for me to eat.

I know I shouldn't bitch about work because I should be lucky I have a job. I do feel lucky and I do feel grateful but goddamnit all this negativity has to go somewhere otherwise it'll just drive me insane. Anywho, I'm going to play WoW for a bit and then go to bed...after I scrounge up something to eat.

Well work tonight was a complete and utter bitch. We were still full but I felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I had to wait for the button pushers, wait for assistance, and yet I was expected to jump whenever someone else needed help. It's so double-standard it pisses me off. And then I did something stupid but I'm not going to say what it is. Let's just say it resulted in me feeling like a nimrod and I REALLY hate that feeling.

May work at the pizza place tomorrow but I won't know until Bossman calls. If he calls. Gah, hate living in suspense.

SO GLAD that tomorrow is a day off. I can do my laundry and go to the gas station to get me some eatums. Having a car would be really awesome because then I could just go to Wal-Mart and get food. But I digress.

As much as I want an ice cream sundae, I'll have to wait until Friday and then I'll go to DQ. Consider it a little treat for myself for having a bad day at the office, so to speak. I can't wait for the con. I can't wait till I go back to school. Just eight more months till I turn 24 and then after that...well, I can hope. I can really and truly hope that now *I* won't make too much money to get any help for college. Heh.

Gonna go rummage for food and possibly write a pr0n drabble. Possibly.